There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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