she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
