They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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