I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
