Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Randomize
