A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My cat gives me a boner
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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