I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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