I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
