Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
