I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
