WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
