im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize