So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
