An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
