No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have aggressive nipples.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
