clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
