There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
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