My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
