Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
