If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
