idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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