there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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