yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
