Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
