How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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