I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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