why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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