Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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