Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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