i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
