so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
