I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
