I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
