I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
