chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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