You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
