Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
