guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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