Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I looked at my own cervix.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
