just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
