she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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