why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
soo... how was my night?
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