Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
