I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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