if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
