WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
