This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
