You smell like a Billy Joel song
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize