the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
