So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
