he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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