I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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