I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I puked a lego.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
