I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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