Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize