come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize