So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
