well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
