he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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