I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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