when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My bed smells like the plague
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
