his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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