i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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