Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
