You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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