Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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