I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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