If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
