Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
