I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
