Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
