I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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