i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
