I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
